"Rocky" the Flying Squirrel

Meg dozed off a short time ago, and when she did she set her computer on a table near the bed. Luckily for me, the instant she turned her back, it disappeared, as things are wont to do around here. I found it inside one of the kitchen cabinets. Mrs. Davidson will take it back to her in the morning. In the meantime, I have a chance to continue my research into your world and its cultures.

Continuing along my previous line of inquiry, I have recently decided to examine the “squirrel” aspect of Meg’s “squabbit” label for me. I am not much better impressed by it than I had been by that “Bugs Bunny” thing I talked about in my last communication.

From my diligent searches, I have discovered a flying creature named “Rocky” that is apparently at least somewhat squirrelish in nature. Here is at least one documented sighting. Once again, I am not amused. This…thing…has two huge and completely useless teeth. In fact, it appears not to be a squirrel at all but rather a flying beaver. How he can fly, given that he has no visible means of propulsion is beyond even my own reckoning. If he is that advanced, one would think he would have better sense than to associate himself with a moose of so little brain or—if the video linked above is to be believed—the moon men at all. I cannot imagine any self respecting intelligent creature allowing itself to be drawn from a hat! At least his tail is respectable.

Where I am perhaps truly out of sorts is explaining how this squirrel thing relates to your flag-clad boxer--Balboa, I think his name is. At least the boxer looks rugged enough to have earned the appellation. Humph.

Carry on!

Reep

The Bigger Foxes Spoil More Than Just Vineyards

Hello again everyone- I think last time Uncle was on here boring everyone with science stuff- so I thought I'd just talk about how my day went today. Well you know, not like a diary- actually it was interesting- and exhausting.

Like I explained last time I posted, I'm basically a bounty hunter. Yesterday I was coming back from checking some traps I set for small game (with meager success- I think someone was messing with them- stupid jealous farmers), and I checked the bounty post and found this very badly drawn dragon-dog-weasel thing... which breathed fire. It caught my eye. I went and found the guy who put it up, and he told me about the monster-thing. Apparently it killed some chickens at first, then went on to goats, then sheep- and finally killed some poor farmer. I don't think anyone actually like him all that much- something about him trying to I felt bad about it- but not bad enough to do it for free.

I went out to the deeper woods- I found tracks, game trails, etc. etc.- looked big enough for something that fit the farmer's artist rendering- so I set snares, and anything else I could think of. None of them worked- this thing just wiggled out of everything, or bit through the lines- but I got a look at it, just as it slipped the last cable- long in the body, like on of those ermine from the north only about as big as a horse- with silver fur (looked like I could get a good price for it) and more canine in features- and it disappeared after giving me what could have only been its equivalent of a gloating smirk. Uncle says its a Fox-Serpent- a big one. The're corruptions of Wind and Darkness, and smart- anyway, no luck today, I'll have to try again for it tomorrow- probably have to break out the spidersilk cable (sticks like crazy, AND it holds a good two tons of weight). We'll see if I do any better.

As Subtle as Amanda's Battle Axe

I am a huge fan of subtlety. Don’t let Amanda tell you otherwise. She’s my sister, so she doesn’t actually know a thing about me. Sisters are absolutely wretched judges of character. Really, she seems to think that I am some sort of irresponsible, immature gad-about who hasn’t a care in the world simply because I don’t take an interest in the family business…

I feel as though I have digressed. I was talking about subtlety. I am subtle, when I need to be. In fact, being a very open, social, convivial sort of person is part of my cunningly subtle plan. No one suspects the friendly, joking one of having deep thoughts.

So let us investigate a hypothetical situation. Let us pretend that a certain half-faerie noncombatant is making preparations to move to America to spend some quality time with his niece while his sister and brother-in-law are out of town. Let’s say that this delightful fellow has purchased a ticket and is all set to leave in a couple of days when he is approached by a panicked individual wearing a very obvious black trench coat and gloves and a hideous hat. Subtle, he is not.

So this chap is trying to get our hypothetical uninvolved civilian’s attention in a very obvious manner. Our hero tries to ignore him, but he doesn’t take no for an answer and approaches.

It turns out that Mr. Obvious is wearing his very secretive coat, gloves, and hat to cover all of his very faerie-esque tattoos covering his arms and face. It also turns out that he has heard through a friend of a friend of an acquaintance’s brother’s boss’s sister’s husband that said neutral fellow is in the habit of helping faeries who are on the run from their own government to assimilate into human society.

Let’s just pretend that this might be somewhere close to the truth. Did he have to ask for help right before I was going to leave the country?

That is, did this hypothetical illegal crosser have to show up right as our hypothetical half-faerie completely unvolved citizen of Britain was about to create a branch of his legitimate, human business in an entirley new country and take a break from his complete, utterly, and entirely hypothetical and nonexistent interactions with the faerie race? Really?

Apparently so. Well, first thing’s first. This unfortunate chap’s going to have to learn how to dress properly to blend in here. Subtlety, friend. Subtlety…

Oops.

It has been a very trying day. Bellamy and I are both ill, and the results have been . . . catastrophic.

Bellamy, you may recall, is my pet dragon. He's a full-grown pygmy, twelve years old, and one of the most lovable, endearing creatures you could ever hope to meet. Unfortunately, he has always had a bit of trouble controlling his ability to breathe fire. He really does try hard, but every now and then, accidents happen. And when Bellamy has a cold, there's really no way for him to control his abilities.

Today, Bellamy has a very bad cold. A very, very bad cold. He was wheezing quite a bit this morning and obviously had terrible sinus pains, as he kept beating his head against the rather uncomfortable tree that Edric and I spent the night in. I'm not sure why he thought beating his head would make it feel better -- dragons are not always logical. As a result of Bellamy taking out his suffering on the tree, Edric was awakening by being knocked out of the tree. Don't worry, he's fine. He landed in some conveniently placed bramble bushes. I tried to heal his many cuts by crying on them (I have healing powers in my tears), but sadly, my powers only work on people I care deeply about. Edric was quite rude to both Bellamy and me after that.

Well, Bellamy just got worse as the day progressed. Around noon, he went into a massive sneezing fit, sending flames all over the place. Glemaria is now missing one of its forests. You should have seen how quickly those trees alighted; it was only moments before we were surrounded by a most impressive inferno. Edric's horse was smart enough to run out of there at the sight of the first spark, so she was unhurt by the fire. Bellamy, despite his misery, still had the presence of mind to grab Edric and I in his claws and fly us out of there -- just in time, too. Edric's boots got a bit singed, but other than that, we were unscathed. Unfortunately, the flight was rather bumpy, owing to Bellamy's continued sneezes (which helped to spread the massive forest fire even more), and I got quite sick to my stomach. When Bellamy finally deposited us safely on the ground, I was sick all over Edric's chest. That made him even grumpier than he had already been, although he did later concede that it was not deliberate.

To prevent any further fire calamities, Edric found a rocky area with no brush for Bellamy to rest in. I tried to brew a potion to make Bellamy's cold get better, but I am even worse at potion-making than I am at incantations, and Bellamy refused to drink the gurgling concoction that I created. I suppose I can't blame him. When Edric dumped it out on a nearby bramble bush (revenge against nature for this morning?), the bush shriveled into a vile-looking green thing and then suddenly exploded. Edric got quite a bit of nasty-smelling vile-green-thing juice all over him from that, at which point he hopped on his horse and rode off at a very fast gallop, calling out an impressive stream of highly undignified words as he went. He still hasn't returned.

Well, after the potion-making fiasco, I felt very faint, so I took a nap for a while in yet another uncomfortable tree. I tried to eat some berries after I awoke, but couldn't keep them down. I've no idea what I'm ill with, but after the way Edric has abandoned me to suffer alone, I hope that I'm highly contagious.

Oh dear, I think I'm going to be sick again. Please excuse me.

Oh no. Not the “constitutional”!

Sorry everyone, but I don’t have much time. I was just about to sit down and blog when Mrs. Davidson stuck her head in and told me that my Uncle Warner has decided that its time for another of his “evening constitutionals.” I’m supposed to go, as usual.

I have no idea where he gets these ideas. You would think that a “constitutional” was a walk or something, but noooooo. Its this once a month meal where he orders the table set for about fifteen and then eats all by himself or with me. It’s not as weird now as it once was, now that I know about the portals in the Tower of Worlds. I think he’s waiting for someone, but I don’t know who or why.

The food is still just as weird as was the first time, though. I think my favorite is the “sugar beats.” He insists that they aren’t spelled “beets” because we’re supposed whack them three or four times with a tuning fork before we eat them. He says it brings out the flavor.

One good thing is that he tells the most wonderful stories. I might try to tell some of them here. Well, I have my own stories to tell now, about Relois, about, well…. I probably shouldn’t say more right now. I don’t tell Uncle Warner either. There are times I’d like to, but something stops me. I’m not sure why.

Well, I hear Mrs. Davidson coming. Gotta go.

TTYL,

Meg

An Introduction to the Science of The Elements

Hello once again, esteemed world-travelers! It is I, your fellow sojourner, Igmar.

Please excuse me for my extended absence, as I had much work to do to ensure the continued operation of this device, and many other experiments that have taken up my time.

Considering the vast array of worlds from which our group are derived, and the apparently vast difference in the laws of science in each, I thought it prudent to offer a concise explanation of my own. The realm of Midgard is ruled by what my colleagues in the school of Elemental Science illustrate in a diagram called "The Contrivance of Forces" (So called in observance of our comparatively limited knowledge of their interaction). These forces are powers or energies which correspond to those found in our environment and biology, which in turn affect and transform flora and fauna which live in environments of concentrated elements. Vera, similar to the image seen above, is an example of that- she and her kind owe their blue coloration to the high concentration of the elements of Darkness and Life, which pool in the dark glades to the south of our village. The shadows in moonlight collect these energies, and the plant-life upon which these blue rabbits graze contain traces of Darkness, which changes the hue of their fur, lending its blue coloration. As a general rule, if there is a significant level of any natural force (Fire, Water, Wind, Death, etc.) in one area, living things in that area will adapt to and emulate that force. It is not known exactly how many of these elements there are, and they range from physical to mental to spiritual forces,

We in the community of scientists and spellcrafters inscribe these forces into carefully designed Runes which contain and focus their energies, enabling us to bend them to specific purposes. There are other known methods for controlling the elements, and even methods for emulating their effects without the use of runes, but these forces are basic to the development of new technologies and the progress of our culture.

Well, I do hope you have enjoyed this brief introduction, and I would be delighted to hear about the forms of magic in your own worlds!

Transworld Politics And Other Faerie Stories

So, apparently, my sister and brother-in-law are going to go off to find some faerie miscreant and they need me to watch their precious, little daughter whilst they are away. Funny, since their daughter is a sixteen year old girl who is highly trained in hand to hand combat and weapons skills from two different dimensions and has, as far as I am aware, been a miniature grown-up since she was five. Nevertheless, I, being a wonderful sort of uncle, am going to move from London to the States and be with dear, little Danni until her parents return.

I suppose, in the interest of general understanding, I should give some account of the history of faeries in this world and the formation of the Transworld Congress, at least in a little more detail. It will help you understand why I, as a half-blood, am still allowed to live in this world whilst others are imprisoned and sent back to the Otherworld without so much as a souvenir photo of La Tour Eiffel.

No one knows when the first channels opened up between our worlds, but my guess is that it was more than a few millennia ago. Back in yonder years, quaint little heathens worshipped magic users as gods. You know, Prometheus the Fire Bringer and Lugh the All Around Amazing Chap. You had supernatural disasters and curses and all sorts of wonderful events taking place that no one today believes actually happened. That was back when magic users walked through the channels without so much as a stamped visa.

As time went on, more channels began to open up, probably due to faeries figuring out how to do it themselves. Some people began to notice that humans were vanishing, never to be seen again, and magical events were taking place that were causing an unseemly amount of damage. I’m talking people killed, towns destroyed, the whole lot. I’m not sure if it was a human or a faerie who first suggested that we were destroying each other’s worlds and that something needed to be done.

In 1818, a congress assembled unofficially in some neutral location between-worlds. They created a document called the Transworld Peace that has been enacted every since. Basically, the faeries will watch their ends of the channels and we’ll watch ours. Any trespassers will be immediately sent back to be disciplined. It’s worked out fabulously.

Well, most of the time. Every now and then, things get messy. And people like me end up being born. Luckily for me, I didn’t get enough magic in my system to hurt the human world’s magickless atmosphere. I do have enough so that if I ever did want to foray into Faerie, I could. But I don’t want to. I am rich, happy, comfortable, and entirely not interested in meddling with Transworld affairs. Leave that to Amanda and Geoff.

Where did I put the...grrrrrrrr....

I said I was going to talk some more about Waverly Hall. There’s so much I could mention—funny, scary, and just downright annoying. I think I’ll just do an annoying thing right now, since it already brought itself up in one of my comments the other day.

This place eats things. I suppose that’s what it does, because you can set something down, turn around, and then when you reach for it a second later, whatever it was is gone. Some things never show back up, but most of them do, and always in the weirdest places. Once a week Mr. Davidson goes all over the house looking for things that don’t belong and he brings them back and dumps them in a box in the front hall. He told me he found my hairbrush in one of the gutters on the roof. One day I was reading a book, set it down to take a drink and when I looked back, it wasn’t there. Five minutes later, Mrs. Davidson came in and handed it back to me; it was warm and a bit singed. She found it in the oven, next to some rolls she was baking for dinner.

As far as disappearing things go, the chair the other day was pretty bad. I was typing along and had to push back to grab a tissue and boom! I was on the floor. The chair was gone, right out from under my freaking bum! I said then that I thought the chair would be on the lawn. It wasn’t. I found it in the big fireplace downstairs. Good thing it wasn’t winter.

The scary part of this is that the house also seems to manage to misplace people. I’ve only been misplaced a few times. If you’re not careful, you’ll just be walking along and suddenly you look around and you’re nowhere you should be. Sometimes it’s harmless. Mrs. Davidson said that one day her mother was visiting and she fell asleep on a chair in the main hall. Before anyone knew what had happened, she was gone, and an hour later they found her sitting, fully clothed, in an upstairs bathtub, still asleep. If you end up in the wrong place, though, it can be dangerous. That’s how I found the Tower of Worlds the first time.

Around here, when you go from place to place, you lock your eyes on your destination and take the shortest route. Things only seem to happen when you’re not looking…. Keeps you on your toes, I guess.

TTYL,

Meg

Just Another Day on the Run

You know that sinking feeling you get when you try to use an incantation to cause warts to spring up all over your husband's face and it backfires and instead produces a large, living wart that runs fast and spits in people's eyes while shrieking in a horrifically high squeal? No? Well, neither did I, until this morning.

Edric and I have really been doing quite well lately. We were almost caught by King Haden's men shortly after I wrote last time, which is why we haven't been writing much lately. We've been in a panicked, frenzied state, trying desperately to find a place to hide, where no one will even think to look. You know, there really aren't as many places like that as one might think. We've finally settled on a place that may do for a time, but of course I cannot take the risk of describing it here.

Well anyway, with all that running about and fearing for our lives, Edric and I were actually quite civil to one another. He was far too frightened for his usual snide remarks, and I was too tired to abuse him with magic. He risked his neck to capture a chicken one night, after I had remarked earlier in the day about longing for something other than plants to eat at night, and I was so grateful to him that I gave him the antidote for the chivalry potion that I had snuck into his breakfast (both potions were a gift from one of the Glean-Side; believe me, I could never hope to create any potion that powerful). Yes, I admit that it was the chivalry potion that made Edric go after the chicken in the first place, but . . . oh what does it matter; you're probably more curious about the wart anyhow.

Good things usually come to an end, and in like manner, Edric's and my time of pleasantry ended on Tuesday. He was a tad bitter over the chivalry potion, I suppose, and he decided to retaliate by washing my undergarments in stinging nettle juice again AND by hiding my clothes when I bathed later to get the stinging nettle juice off my skin. I had to walk for over a mile, clad only in some leaves that I was using every ounce of my powers to keep positioned over essential areas. After that, all truces were off. Edric and I had a dreadful argument that lasted most of the night, and then this morning, I was reading through my book of forgotten magic and happened to stumble on the wart-causing incantation. It seemed a fitting retaliation.

Unfortunately, as is usually the case with me, the incantation went nothing like it ought to, and Edric and I then spent most of today alternating between running away from the wart and trying to catch it. It was a miserable creature, quite as horrid as Edric. Well, there is a kinship between the two, after all. It was my dragon, Bellamy, who finally rectified the situation. As the wart was passing him, Bellamy let out a very potent burst of flame, and the hideous creature (the wart, not Edric) was nothing more than a little pile of ash. We buried it, just to be safe.

Oh dear, here comes Edric again. He's smiling, which means he's either done something dreadful that is going to make me very cross, or he's come up with a "clever" start to another argument. Looks to be the latter, most likely.

Farewell for the time being, dear friends.

This Woman Is INSANE!!!

You all haven't met her yet, but she's nuts, seriously and completely nuts. I am of course speaking of my erstwhile comrade in arms, and quite often lover, Hisoka..-..//-__/-_...__---\\/\/\...\,\\/\\\---__--_--_-_-\\/\/.\\-\./...she just tried to brain me with a bokken for writing that and I don't have another scroll to write on for this journal thing so, it's going to have to stay that way.

Anyway, back to the thesis of this entry, Hisoka is insane. We finally got a half-way decent mercenary group put together, we have a warrior of the Okami, a Toshi mercenary-

You all probably have no idea what these are so let me explain, simply and effectively...as long as Hisoka doesn't try to brain me again. Let's see, for the Okami warrior, his name is Keno, think naked super-warrior with magical weapons and tattoos that work like armor, maybe better. His wolf, oh...right, every Okami warrior bonds with a giant demon wolf, these wolves are the size of horses, anyway, his wolf died a few months ago and he's trying to get over it. I think he's suicidal right now, which is going to make life interesting until I can talk him out of that.

The Toshi, Genburu, think like monkey people except not monkey's. They live in the Oniyama and can fight better than most anyone who's not from the Kari clan. They're mercenaries by trade, and some people say they're spies too, I suppose I'll find out about that. This kid is pretty much looking for adventure I think, not entirely sure. He says he's the son of a bigwig in the Toshi clan but he ran away because he wants to be a mercenary. I'm not sure if he's lying or not.

Then there's Sanchiro, he's the prince of the Anteisei. Don't look at me like that, he is, not the first son, the third I think. Anyway, he's running away from some vision his wife had that he's going to kill her someday. Apparently he's taking it seriously, she is supposed to be a pretty good fortune teller, and so he's joined us so that he will never ever see his beloved wife again. I suppose he's figuring that if he never see's her he can't kill her. At least that's the story Tanaka got out of him when they were drinking last night. I don't figure that's likely to work, not that I have much experience with running away from prophecies of doom, but I figure it takes more than joining a mercenary company to get away. Maybe I'm wrong.

Let's see then, there's also Sanshi and Jushi, brother and sister, twins from the Saiban clan. Twin's are really bad mojo for the Saiban, they're all about middle ground and twins represent good and evil in their set forms. The Saiban think the twins are cursed from birth by the spirits and cast them out. I haven't managed to get a story out of these two yet but somehow they stayed together, and apparently they don't drink. Which makes it harder to ply them for information.

Then I guess the last one is Meiyo Kumiko, she's a thief. Not like a spy or an assassin or anything, just a thief. I wasn't sure about her at first but she and Hisoka were best friends from the moment they met...which probably means that Kumiko is stark raving mad as well. Anyway, she got caught, well almost caught, by someone important in Meiyo, the city, and now she's on the run. Hisoka probably knows more than that but I haven't had much time to talk to her. Anyway Kumiko should be good at getting us into places, and hopefully out of places as well.

So, like I said we finally get a halfway decent group together and the first job Hisoka picks up for us, which is MY job by the way, is sneaking into the castle at Tsuyosa and finding out how many troops are there. Its in the middle of the city, our first job as a team. We're going to die, there's nothing else to say, we're dead. I'm going to go prepare myself to meet Zainu face to face, hopefully Mizukaze will still be by my side and can get me a good ranking in my next life.