My "dear" Flavia,
Second, thank you for changing my profile picture to a picture of a worm. I believe I speak for everyone when I say you have truly demonstrated your maturity. I would love to repay the kind favor, but, as we both know, I have no idea how any of this stuff works. Would you please change the picture when you're through having your childish fun?
Finally, thank you for putting dragon manure in my boots again. It was just as funny this time as it was the last two -- no, make that three -- times. I hope that you likewise enjoyed the stinging nettle juice that I washed your undergarments in.
Okay, Fiery, I think we're even for a while. I promise to leave your clothing alone if you promise not to put anything else in my boots. Also, I would appreciate not being shoved into any other murder-minded vegetation. Truce?
Sincerely,
Edric
For future reference, Edric, I am allergic to stinging nettles -- they make me break out in hives. If it weren't for my ability to heal myself with tears, I probably would have turned you into something very small and smushable after that little prank of yours. It is actions like that which prove you are a worm, hence, that picture stays. Permanently.
ReplyDeleteI will, however, temporarily accept the truce. I'm tired and I want to go to bed early tonight without having to first search the bed for something you've hidden in there.
ReplyDeleteDo you think other married couples fight as much as we do?
Is anyone else nervous about getting in the middle of this? I, for one, have enough to deal with on my own, without adding stinging (or biting or burning or whatever) plants and mystical animal dung to my current woes.
ReplyDeleteBut I will risk saying, it seems to me that when you're running for your life with someone, maybe you'd better stick to verbal battles rather than physical ones, since you kind of need each other. Alec and I don't get along at all, but we don't generally attack one another since we have mutual enemies who we need to deal with first. After that, well, there are somethings I'd like to do to him...
Just something to think about before you start flinging carnivorous plants or animal poo at each other again.
Marital bliss is so inspiring. It gives me hope.
I suggest marriage counseling. And/or krav maga. It's good stress relief. It would also make it easier for you two to kill each other, but I'm sure you could have done that already if you really wanted to.
ReplyDeleteSee I was going for something that didn't involve both of them dead since they don't seem to really want to die all that much, but, you know, whatever.
ReplyDeleteWe have been getting along a bit better than usual lately. The other day, it was almost mid-day before Edric said something insulting to me. And I was very mild in my response.
ReplyDeleteOh, yes, you were very mild indeed. Of course, it was mostly because the incantation that you attempted didn't work, but why worry about technicalities?
ReplyDeleteEdric, dear boy, why are you still running? Your father acted only out of anger; he has no intention of actually killing you, his dear and cherished son! Surely you don't believe him capable of that. Come home; cease this foolish running about and return to your poor, broken-hearted father's side. And do be certain to bring your lovely little wife with you. I so long to see her once again.
ReplyDelete