Update on Renard

Since posting yesterday, I have been made aware of a host of recent shenanigans that all sound like Renard's handiwork:

1. Phone lines were rerouted throughout Virginia, West Virginia, and North Carolina, so that people who intended to call in sick to work accidentally reached gleeful telemarketing firms instead. There is an unsubstantiated rumor of similar occurrences taking place in Ohio.

2. Fourteen libraries have contacted me to report multiple novels that have apparently been cut in half, then stitched together with completely unrelated technical manuals. One library in Illinois left a message on my voicemail this morning, saying "Never before has Elizabeth Bennett turned down Mr. Darcy's first proposal, then learned how to correctly perform a lobotomy."

3. Several university professors have complained about mass emails being sent to students proclaiming yesterday to be "Topless Tuesday."

4. The Washington, D.C. metro system reports flocks of agitated pigeons being released inside several of their cars yesterday during the evening rush hour. This morning, New York City reports higher than average instances of pedestrians being targeted by pigeons.

5. An attempt was made to link all of the Lantern Hollow Press blogs to a Nigerian bank account.

Readers and Characters, I humbly apologize to all of you from the bottom of my heart for the trouble that Renard has caused, and continues to cause. I ought to have kept a much closer eye on him. I freely admit that it was owing to my own negligence that he escaped from his story.