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Posts or comments made by the characters on this blog do not necessarily represent the opinions of Lantern Hollow Press or its authors, and may directly contradict all decorum and good sense.

Friday, September 3, 2010

We Now Interrupt Your Regularly Scheduled Programming...

Nathaniel should probably be posting here. This is the blog for "good" people, right? Well, he definitely qualifies. Guy's a freaking paladin. He'd be much more interesting if he'd develop a few flaws. Heh. I have an idea. I'll do Nathaniel's post for him. He'll never know. Idiot's probably out saving maidens from dragons, or whatever the heck paladins do.

Here goes.

"My name is Nathaniel Masone. No, not 'Mason', 'Mah-son-ee.' It's Italian. I'm not really in touch with my cultural heritage, but my grandmother is. She's a rolling pin-waving, garlic-wielding, holy water-tossing Catholic harridan who attacks poor unsuspecting vampires. I have a cute five year old sister, but she's not any friendlier. The kid's a psychopath who thinks she's a pirate, and tries to keelhaul people on a regular basis.

Despite the fact that I come from such refreshingly violent and bloodthirsty roots, I am a pretty boring individual. I somehow managed to get a position in the faerie court, even though I have no special powers to speak of, other than good getaway-car driving skills and deadly accuracy with a .45. You'd think I would have at least ended up with the mob, but no. I spend most of my time babysitting the afore-mentioned little sister, studying old books, and interfering in the life of a brilliant dark sorcerer, who has so far been gracious enough to let me live."

Yeah, that pretty much sums up Nat. A little healthy moral corruption would do wonders for him. But, enough on Nat. The manticore venom is almost done boiling, and I have to get back to work...

9 comments:

  1. It is so inspiring to see two people getting along. Clearly, Isaac, you know Nat so well you can even speak for him, as if you were the same person. Heart warming, really.

    What are you going to use the manticore venom for?

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  2. Manticore venom is useful for all kinds of things Miaela. You can make lots of different poisons with it, if you only use a little bit it makes great flavoring for tea or coffee, it does make you a little loopy for a while though.
    And I am all for mental corruption, it's a very healthy thing.

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  3. Wow. Umm...sounds like an...umm interesting family. Are you related?

    Where do the vampires come in again?

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  4. Mikaela- Nice try! For all I know, you might be one of the shapeshifter's minions. So no, I'm NOT going to tell you what the venom is for. And, getting along with Nat? I'm going to assume that was sarcasm. That had better have been sarcasm.
    Crugg- I should find some way of making you Nat's therapist. It would be hilarious.
    Meg- Yes, they are an interesting family and NO I'm not related. Vampires! Why is it always about the vampires! There is only one vampire. One worthless sniveling hopeless romantic is enough.

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  5. So does he like, sparkle when he's being romantic? Tell me he doesn't sparkle.

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  6. I would love to be Nat's counselor, I like counseling...that's where you beat them over the head until they do what you say right?

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  7. Meg- Sparkle? Why would he sparkle? American kids get the weirdest ideas about vampires...
    Crugg- Close enough.

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  8. *sigh*

    Hilarious, Isaac. I swear it's like having two five year olds around all the time instead of just one. Some of us have real jobs, and don't spend all day posting on blogs.

    By the way, how's your shapeshifter killing potion going? Better go work on it, or he'll be wearing your freckly skin, not you.

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  9. C'mon Isaac! I thought you were from our world. Don't you know that all "real" vampires sparkle?! What kind of dark wizard are you?! :D

    Maybe you could like, buy him some sparkly body paint and lip gloss so he could impress his girlfriend. I suppose he would need light for that, though.

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