Well, I was sitting here trying to figure out what to post today and talking with No-One-In-Particular, he's a not...uh...he doesn't exist. Yeah...it's a thing. Anyway we were just sitting chatting about what I should post today because nothing has really been happening lately, I mean, there was the village...I think I posted something about that already...and then there was a skirmish between the Civilized Orc Nation of Breezy Pants, they get a little testy if you shorten the name, and the Ogres of Thompson's Gulch...I know, weird name but it was named after this really clumsy girl who tripped over a blade of grass and fell all the way down the mountain...she didn't look right when she got to the bottom...and she wasn't moving. But there were only like...2000 people involved in that so, no biggy.
So, having nothing to type about I summoned up Gilly...uh...that's Gilderoy Amphersand Palonius Asterick Kevlar Mastectomy...he named himself...I think he just kind of picked words that he thought sounded cool...and then put them together. Anyway, he's a demon poodle who likes to pretend he's important. I brought him up to see what was going on in the six hundred thousand hells, you know, to see if anything interesting was going on, No-One-In-Particular's idea. He was...mad about that...mostly 'cause I pulled him out of a poker game he was winning with a few other demons, something about '700 tortured souls riding on the last card and then poof'...he complained so much that I bound him into my tea-pot...I've been needing a new heater for it anyway, the last one escaped when Olef dropped the pot into my summoning circle.
It was so his fault, I know...I left the horse entrails on the floor, but still...his fault.
So, now I'm posting about the fact that Gilly will be warming my tea for the next ten years or so. I've been threatening to do this for a while when he doesn't cooperate so I suppose it's about time I made good on it.
Anyway... ... ...I'm hungry, I'm gonna go eat now.
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Do you think you could show me that trick? I love tea and there are lots of annoying people in my house and it would be amazing if I could hold that over their heads...they wouldn't tease me about being dead...You think that they would be a little more sensitive on the subject...
ReplyDeleteHmmmm...as far as I know binding only works on demons and spirits but maybe I can work up something else that would work on people. I can show you how to suck out their souls and store them in jars if you want.
ReplyDeleteHello, Violet. You really are a dear, pretty little girl. I wonder, could you perhaps tell me where I might find a nice young man named Edric and his lovely wife Flavia? I am so anxious to find them. I will give you a very nice lollipop if you tell Auntie Alicia where to find them.
ReplyDeleteoh...in jelly jars! that sounds better than my pet frogs!
ReplyDeleteIs there any way that binding can work on wives? Mine is sort of like a demon, if that helps.
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ReplyDeleteUm...I am not allowed to eat things...and I shouldn't take candy from strangers and I don't know how you are talking about...are they dead? cause I only know dead people, except for Beatrix she's not and she is not quite like the immortals around the house...
ReplyDeleteLooks like soul-sucking is the way to go for both of you. And why would you keep pet frogs when you could have pet souls...they're so much more fun. I think I still have Vlad's soul around here somewhere...not sure where...I can probably find him though.
ReplyDeleteEdric, I know where you sleep and I still remember the incantation that gave your pillow fangs.
ReplyDeletePut 'er there, Crugg. Pleasure to meet you! Sounds like you enjoy chaos, trickery, and trouble nearly as much as I do. You know what I really love to do? Switch sides regularly. Keeps 'em guessing. One day I'm good, next day I'm evil. Life never gets dull.
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